I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
