I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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