And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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