Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
