Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
