You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
