He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
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Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I pour the whiskey from now on
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He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
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