so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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