Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
