lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
