The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
