I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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