can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
