"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
