my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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