And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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