Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
