I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
