It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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