There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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