Can i not drive my cunt home
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I just blew my weed a kiss
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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