come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
