Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
