hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
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