I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize