watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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