Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Randomize
