No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
