she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
