so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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