My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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