After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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