They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
