I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
