You just made me feel so damn special
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
