Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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