I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
