i need an iv and a liver transplant
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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