If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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