hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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