well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize