Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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