i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
