Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
COCAINE IS GR8
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
