i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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