hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
