If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
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