I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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