im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
