the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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