you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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