True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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