I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
