I think I died a long time ago.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
