Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Randomize
