i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
