this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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