ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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