It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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