its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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