I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
