My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
