It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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