idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
