She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
as a side note pls kill me
My vagina just clenched in fear
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Randomize
